WH40K: “Kal Jerico, Sinner's Bounty” (part fourteen)

Somehow, there's still four and a half hours of this.

Okay, so. Where we left off, Beatram and Kal's parties had agreed to a truce, with each other and with Zoom, after the latter's agreement to turn himself over to them in exchange for their help against the mutant army. Amenute isn't happy about this, since she has very good reason to want Zoom to become extremely dead extremely fast. We still haven't opened the urn of the Golden Sack, but Kal has (over the objections of his teammates) agreed to let Beatram take it in exchange for more of the Zoom bounty.

Alright, chapter twenty-eight now.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Strategy Session​

Zoom and his surviving minions lead the others out of the building, where a large number of armed Cawdor are waiting. Zoom tells them that the God Emperor has sent a miracle their way, and turned the guns of these sinful intruders to the service of Perdition in its darkest hour. The crowd is wary, but Zoom seems to have built up enough of a reputation with them that they quickly come around. Zoom walks among them, comforting the weary, laying his hands on the heads of the most violent-looking fanatics and calming them. As he walks, some of the crowd follow in his trail to rub themselves in or even drink the blood dripping from his open wounds. That's...sort of Chaos-y, but then again so is everything about the Imperium.

Kal asks Zoom's firstmate, Clovic, who is in charge here other than Zoom. The look Clovic gives him in return says it all; if Perdition had a leader worth the description, the recent mutant attacks have ended their career. Or else Zoom himself did.

Anyway, time to start planning a defend-the-base episode. Kal recognizes that Grendelson, the space dorf who is currently in Beatram's nominal orbit, was once an NCO in one interstellar army or another, and convinces the others that they should probably defer to his tactical judgement since the rest of them have only ever been bounty hunters. That's...a surprising show of humility, from Kal. Not only recognizing and admitting to his own blind spots in front of sometimes-enemies, but also deferring to the superior experience of someone who he doesn't know very well and has good reason to distrust. Kal continues to be a much better person than he wants to think he is. Grendelson says he's not sure if fighting this battle is even a good idea to begin with, but since it doesn't seem like they have any other option, sure, he'll play general.

They ask Zoom for somewhere quiet to sit and talk strategy. Also, somewhere away from the crowd; not only are they noisy, but a bunch of them are trying to lynch Gor for the crime of being a cow. He concedes to the reasonability of that request, and leads them into the tower-like central temple. As he walks them through the reforged slag interior, he narrates the history of Perdition. Originally, this settlement was built by a craftsman sect called the "furnacemen," who simply wanted a place far from the rest of the underhive's inhabitants where they could practice their arts in peace and have enough food from the nearby fungus-lake to support themselves. Over time, their community grew, as safe havens tend to. And unfortunately, Zoom explains, where life flourishes, sin is always soon to follow.

The story is interrupted there by some more Cawdor pilgrims in the inner sanctuary who need to be convinced to not tackle Gor and force him to kill them. As Zoom talks them down, Kal notices a little shrine dedicated to Caw, the legendary founder of the organization. Kal isn't sure if Caw was ever actually a real person; it seems more likely that he's one of those composite characters that cultures tend to retroactively assemble. Still, the possibility that he's real, rather than purely mythological like some Warhammer Fantasy characters who Kal glibly recalls from his childhood nursery tales, strikes Kal as somewhat inspirational. Even if Caw wouldn't have been the sort of man Kal admired, the idea that a real person could ever become a legend gives him something to aspire to.

Yolanda tells him to stop smiling like that, he's embarrassing her.

Kal, seriously, just divorce her. Preferably into a pit of space piranhas or something.

Zoom stops his story as they move onward, and Kal takes the opportunity to ask what became of Perdition's own Cawdor leadership in recent times. Zoom simply says that it is better for a community to have a single leader, and leaves it at that. Hmm. So did he kill Perdition's pastor before going on the guild raid, then? Seems like it. Zoom is basically a petty king returning from a campaign, then.

He brings them to an old council chamber that belonged to the furnaceman leadership before the Cawdor conquered Perdition. As Clovic slaps some more bandages and injects more painkillers into his already very doped-up leader and prepares the maps for strategizing, the bounty hunters and hangers-on do a Hive Primus tradition and elect a temporary leader for the duration of their alliance. Unfortunately, another Hive Primus tradition is for everyone to nominate themselves, bicker for hours, and then break the alliance off in frustration before it can accomplish anything. In the grim darkness of the forty-first millennium, there are only five year olds. Kal nominates himself, of course, justifying it to himself as he being the one who started this discussion in the first place. So does Beatram, naturally. So does Yolanda, because of course. And, that's it, aside from one of the comic relief Goliaths who nominates the other comic relief Goliath but then doesn't vote for him. Beatram and Kal end up tying for lead, which means Zoom gets to be the tiebreaker. He looks up from the hateful staring contest he's been having with Amenute, and chooses Kal. So, that's that.

Wow. I totally forgot that there's supposed to be over a dozen people here, with all the randos that Beatram had unceremoniously thrown at him before arriving. Only, like, three of them have said a single word between the time Zoom attacked them in the garage and the calling of the vote. Almost like the author was instructed to include Literally Every Single Fucking Necromunda Character in this stupid climax despite him not having any idea what to do with them, as well as one book - even a monster like this one - not even beingcapableof giving each of them time to do anything or distinguish themselves. Poor Josh Reynolds can barely even handle one scene with all of them talking in it, and I doubt many authors could.

Clovic finishes making sure that Zoom doesn't die before any of them can kill him, and then gets them a slightly-out-of-date map of Perdition Cavern. Grendelson looks the fortifications over, judges the mutants' persistence and numbers, and promptly declares that they can't hold the settlement for long without some heavy weapons. Zoom did liberate a fair number of those from the Guild armory, but unfortunately they only came with barely enough ammo for a skirmish, let alone what might be a protracted siege. There's also the question of how many of the Cawdor can even use the better munitions without being as likely to blow themselves up as the enemy. So, Kal suggests that they come up with a way to divide the mutants' forces so that they can bring their own force to bear on one group at a time, saving their limited heavy weapons ammo for when they really need it against the big monsters and other enemy heavies. The best way to do this, Kal suggests, is to use the lake. Bring most of Perdition's population out on the sump-boats to use the lake itself as a killzone, while they send a heavily armed elite fire team to hit the mutant flanks on the move and take out one bite at a time.

Not a brilliant plan, the author concurs with my own assessment, but still, not a terrible one either. It basically depends on how much heavy ammo the mutants themselves have, and how willing they are to destroy boats that they could otherwise capture. If Wart just unloads on the fleet with heavy guns or explosives from the shore rather than approaching them, it's GG. If she doesn't have the munitions or inclination to do that, then they have a chance.

As they work on the details of the plan, Scabs backs off from the rest and has a whispered conversation with Amenute. She's having trouble dealing with the idea of not killing Zoom when they're in the same room with him, and is also having premonitions of something worse than what they've seen so far. The pipesong they heard before has told Amenute that more mutant bands are still inbound. Worse, she's having visions of some sort of apocalyptic figure that she draws a crude sketch of; a vaguely humanoid outline with four arms. Genestealer, maybe? Sounds like it might be a genestealer, but it could be other things too. Anyway, she tells him that the spirits have spoken to her and they um...want her to be prophet-queen of the ratskin, or something? Her people are slowly being wiped out in Hive Primus, step by step, due to mutant, Cawdor, and other parties' aggression. They need unity, and power. And, she says, she thinks she can rally a force from nearby ratskin territory to hit the mutants from behind so that the Cawdor can win this fight. Weaken both mutant and Cawdor as much as possible.

Hmm. I wonder if Wart might have beat Amenute to the punch, here. The ratskin she wants to rally might be the same ones who are already allied with the mutants, and who may or may not be historic enemies of Amenute's tribe.

She also wants Scabs to run off and help her do this, because...um, the spirits said so, I guess. Scabs is reluctant. She insists that the alternative is death for all. Scabs wonders again if he rescued her from that cage of his own free will, or if she mind controlled him. Personally, I'd say that if she had that kind of mind control ability she wouldn't have ended up in that cage in the first place, but when have logic or basic cause and effect gotten in the way of atrocities happening in this setting?

End chapter.


Well, it didn't have any pointless fight scenes, I'll say that for it. I also like how, despite having taken pains to humanize Desolation Zoom and show his admirable qualities, the story isn't forgetting that he's still a monster, and a member of one of the underhive's most monstrous factions. He seems like he could have been a legitimately great man had he been instilled with a different ideology, but that's not what happened, and he is what he is. I enjoyed the history lesson, and some of the dorky comedy surrounding the vote was pretty funny.

But there's so much extraneous shit weighing this story down that at this point it can hardly move. The more characters there are, the less opportunities any of them have to do things. The more plot twists and complications appear, the less focused and coherent the story becomes. Like, am I supposed to still care about what's in the box? The early chapters really built up the mystery of what's in that sealed canister that Zoom unknowingly took, but now this whole political drama with the mutants and ratskins seems to have swept it entirely away without resolution. Then there's all the stuff with Nemo that seemed like it was going to become a central part of the plot, but isn't. And now this whole subplot with Scabs and Amenute isn't even pretending to be part of the same book anymore, and launching its own spinoff line prematurely before the damned story is even 3/4 over.

I really want to know what parameters Reynolds had set for him, with this book. IE, how much of the bloat is Games Workshops' fault, and how much is Reynolds just not knowing how to do a novel as opposed to a vignette collection.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Diversion​

Open on Wart lounging on her throne of empty fuel drums, drinking mutant vodka out of a tin can cup. She's wearing a nineteenth century style aristocratic lady's riding outfit, complete with spurred boots, that her minions randomly found in a sewer pipe somewhere. I guess someone in Hive Primus not only had an outfit like that for some reason, but also had it in hulking lizardwoman size. You know what, I just won't question it, Wart pulls her over-the-top fashion accessories out of the same warp vortex that spews out prime child-soldier-aged youths. She's having a bit of an argument with her advisor Tud over her decision to let her more loyal bannermutants have grenades. Tud tells her that it's a waste of grenades and of soldiers, since giving them the power to blow up their rivals' camps within Wart's force quickly and unexpectedly has led to them doing just that. Wart insists that she needs to be seen as rewarding loyalty with tangible power, and also that letting these tribal wars within her coalition burn themselves out now rather than later might be for the best.

Wart makes some good - if cynical - points for general circumstances, but right now they kiiiiind of have a heavily armed and organized external enemy that needs dealing with. This is not the time.

On a more optimistic note, a tribe of gunpowder-making mutant artisans called the Blackpowder Boys have made significant headway in breaking down Perdition's southern fortified outpost, and soon Slabscale and his assault units will be able to enter it, clearing the way for her army to walk up to Perdition itself. She's still trying to figure out how she and Slabscale are related, as apparently she's only slightly scaly. Okay, so...she's NOT a lizardwoman, then? And they and the more common axchuck subspecies are still interfertile? Despite some laying eggs and some giving...oh, who even cares.

Wart is also thinking about her other, less loyal, vassal chiefs. She's been keeping the possibility of herself taking a "king" open, mostly to keep them all in competition to prove their worth. However, the bigger her army gets, the more chaotic its composition becomes, and Tud has been warning her that some of these subordinates will try to supplant her. This siege is going to be victory or death for Queen Wart. It might even be both, if she doesn't manage the politics of her people very carefully before, during, and after the battle.

Their mysterious financier Kelwin is also still skulking around and making Wart uncomfortable. He also has a pair of hulking bodyguards with him now, that seem to have appeared out of nowhere, which unnerves all the mutants. Still, Wart remains motivated. Her thoughts turn to the future, and what it might bring.

Just decades ago, the dome cavern currently known as Perdition had been mostly flooded, with only a few islands inhabited by a handful of ratskin fishermen. When the Cawdor (or rather, the furnacemen, if we assume Zoom's account is more comprehensive than Wart's. Which it probably is, since he's been living here for a while and she hasn't) set up shop here, a puncture had caused the lake's level to lower as it started trickling down into the sump below, and they worked to expand the leaks to drain it faster and give themselves more room to build. The lake would shrink to a manageable, fungus-filled pond soon, and the water dripping from above would all be catchable and distillable. Perdition could grow to fill the cavern, and then start making outposts in neighboring ones, as well as conquering other settlements in its vicinity. Someday, it might be able to challenge Downtown as the underhive's strongest polity. Then, maybe someday, she'd conquer the entire underhive and force the uphivers to treat her with something approaching respect. Maybe she'd even be allowed to visit the spire. Maybe Lord Helmawr would invite her to the parties and balls.

...yeah, sorry Wart, I really feel for you here, but even if everything goes as well as it possibly could this is just not happening.

...

Sewer mutant chieftainess who wants to be a pretty princess and be invited to the royal banquets and balls. That's so Adventure Time that I'm starting to imagine Gor as a dog person.

...she's going to want to marry Kal when she finds out who his father is, isn't she?

Well, it would be several steps up from Yolanda at least.

...

She asks Tud to tell her more about the spire parties, and he goes on and on about the beauty and leisure and decadence. Either he's yet another fallen aristocrat to go with the other 30,453 we've already met, or he's been bullshitting her.

Anyway, this can only go on for so long, because she just ordered a chieftain named Fung to come before her. He's the one who's people tried to start shit with Slabscale earlier, and his behavior has generally been sort of planing-a-coup-ish for some time. When he arrives, he does so in the company of some allies of his who she pointedly did NOT invite to this audience, and instructs to leave before they begin talking. A tense standoff between the other chieftains and her guards ensues, until Wart presses him on what's really going on here and he tells her that he brought the others as witnesses to his marriage proposal. She cleverly tells him that if that's what he wants, she'll give him an opportunity to prove himself a worthy husband. She'll grant him her hand if he returns victorious from the daring mission she's about to send him on, at the front lines.

I'm not sure if she's hoping he'll impress her, or if she's hoping he'll just get himself killed. Either way, it'll solve the problem of him planning a coup. And, if he chickens out of her mission now, his own witnesses will respect him less now. No matter what happens, the outcome will be better for Wart than the current state of affairs.

The chieftains leave, and Tud compliments Wart on her slick move there. Right afterward, Kelwin and his mysterious, cloaked and masked bodyguards want an audience. He's getting impatient, and his employers want a return on their investment already. She tells him that things are still on track; this was always going to be a prolonged siege, after all. She muses at what his bodyguards might be. They look bigger than baseline humans, but their silhouettes aren't typical mutant morphology either. Hmm.

We then jump into Slabscale's head. He's swimming through the lake like a crocodile, sneaking up on a Cawdor position. This reminds him of an earlier time in his life, before he got involved in politics and warfare, when he was just a simple hunter-gatherer down in the main sump. He recalls this time fondly, which makes me wonder why he abandoned it. There's a story there, for sure. As he submerges again, he runs into an eel-like predator called a sump-stalker, which he promptly wins a wrestling match with and kills before dragging it back to the surface to eat. He's been watching the Cawdor waterfront for a while now, and he'd been getting peckish. The sump-stalkers in this part of the underhive must not be familiar with his kind; otherwise, this one would have known to avoid its natural predator.

This little xenofiction vignette about Slabscale weighing the virtues of social versus solitary life is probably better than the rest of the damned book put together.

He withdraws and swims back toward Wart's army, where he's approached by a mutant-crewed skiff. The captain is an old enemy of his, but they're both allies now thanks to Wart, and seemingly get along well these days. This fellow, Guttel, has been leading a crew of mutant pirates on the sump for decades, and Wart recently put him in charge of her ramshackle navy. Also, he speaks in a gurgly mutant version of your stereotypical Irish fisherman accent completely unlike any other character's speech patterns.

...

Your weekly reminder that there are dumbasses out there who actually think WH40K should be takenseriously.

...

They sit down to dinner aboard the boat. Slabscale has just eaten, but he politely sits (or...curls up? His physiology is different) beside the dining axchucks as they sup. Slabscale and Guttel compare notes on the Cawdor coastal defenses, and argue about the best approach to crippling them, or at least hitting them hard enough to draw Perdition's forces away from the other fronts. As they speak, a small group of Slabscale's friends swim over to join the conversation. I was wondering when we'd see some other full-blooded lizardmen, and here some are now. It sounds like there's just a handful of them, but these guys are individually powerful enough that it doesn't take many to make a big difference in battle. Especially with how amphibious they seem to be, and against a coastal target that almost certainly lacks sonar.

Not gonna lie. I kind of like the idea of Slabscale's people thriving in the flooded ruins long after Hive Primus collapses, eventually speciating completely away from the other abhuman strains. The galaxy will probably be raped to death by robot demon black hole spiders or whatever long before then, but it's a serene and oddly comforting image.

Guttel has been using a fancy cyber-eye he got from a non-mutant smuggler friend to take high resolution footage of the Perdition waterfront. Yes, he has one eye, and a peg leg. Because of course the axchuck pirate captain has a grungy dieselpunk eyepatch and peg leg, why would he ever not. He now uses that footage to project a 3D hologram, and they use it make their attack plan. Included in the waterfront footage are some of the people who were milling about there when Guttel was scouting it, including a face that Slabscale recognizes as belonging to the wise guy who fed him a grenade a few weeks ago. Slabscale isn't surprised to see Kal here. The sump brings all things flowing to their predestined fates, and that includes runaway prey to their destined predators.

Crocodileman religious belief is pretty cool. The author was really underutilizing Slabscale in his previous POV segments, which were mostly dominated by mutant politics he's only reluctantly involved in. Seeing this alien creature in its element, thinking its own thoughts and performing its own actions, is a hell of a lot more interesting.

Slabscale and Guttel agree on the plan. Slabscale slides back overboard, and leads his fellow reptile marines to make a surprise attack on the waterfront palisade so that Guttel's boats can start firing their mortars into the city. End chapter.


That ended on a high note. A lot of this book's problems would be solved if you divided it into three or four shorter, more focused, books. The mutants in their various strains and varieties have an interesting story to tell. So do the ratskins. So do the bounty hunters (well...to varying degrees). It's just all weighing itself down.