Kaguya-Sama: Love is War S1E1: "I Want to Make You Invite Me to A Movie"

This review was commissioned by @Aris Katsaris.


Kaguya-Sama: Love is War is a seinen manga that started coming out in the mid 2010's, got an anime adaptation shortly thereafter, and quickly became a meme goldmine just a tier below the likes of JJBA or MHA. I haven't seen it yet, but I've heard quite a bit about it. From what I've been told, the long and short of it is that it's a high school dromedy about a pair of student body bigshots who have the hots for each other but are both pridefully, spitefully, almost maliciously determined to make the other one admit it first. Of course, this is all while being surrounded by a cast of zany supporting characters who provide the usual seinen flavor of surrealist humor.

I've also seen this:

You know, just like everyone else on the internet.

So, let's give the pilot a watch.


The opening consists of a barely-animated fairy tale slideshow about a prince and princess getting married, only for a hyperaggressive shonen-ish narrator to cut in and announce that love is NOT a fairy tale! Rather, love is violence! Love is a struggle for control! Love is but a mask over a viciously brutal hierarchy of power in which there is one who gives love, and another who IS loved; one who debases themself, and one who rises higher by placing their boot upon the other's neck! Love is exploitation! Love is Darwinism! LOVE IS WAR! The prince and princess savagely beat each other, grinning in monstrous, sadistic rictus grins every time they cause one another pain and seem to be rising above. Then the title appears.

Forty-two seconds in, and this is already one of my favorite animes.

I love how they look like a monster from a horror anime and a Gundam villain, respectively.

An actual OP follows, which is kind of redundant, because that little skit was already a perfectly good introduction all on its own. It's a very James Bond-like number, both musically and visually, with these two's stupid high school crush drama being framed like an espionage thriller and random cuts of them holding weapons ranging from medieval warhammers to gleaming machine pistols. The final image is of their school exploding, and the smoke forming a bunch of hearts.

Hmm. Either this or the skit preceding it are good, but putting them one after the other lays it on a little too thick.

The episode proper starts with an introduction to Suchiin Academy. It's an extremely ostentatious, extremely pretentious, and extremely overpriced private school that has its origins as an academy for premodern Japanese aristocracy, and that wishes it still was. Lovely place. It's student body is still heavily drawn from the conservative upper crust, though with its high standards and (moreso than that, I suspect) storied reputation it also attracts high-achieving middle class kids. This is one of those places where they learn about how the lying, stinking Chinese and the lying, stinking Americans conspired to fabricate war crimes, isn't it?

We're introduced to our two leads, who the other students react exuberantly to when they see them in the hall in a rather North Korea-esque "we love Dear Leader or else" way.

Kaguya, we're told, is from one of Japan's premier banking families with its fingers in a long list of industrial pies, with a net worth of...wait, did he just say two hundred trillion yen? Was that supposed to be billion? I'm going to assume that that was a mistranslation of billion, because I don't think anyone on Earth is even close to being a trillionaire. Then again, this is obviously not the most serious of shows, so maybe the numbers are being inflated for maximum silliness. Anyway, on account of her family's high expectations, she's achieved academic and musical excellence, as well as some impressive martial arts medals.

Her opposite number is this guy:

Unlike her, he's a scholarship boy. Which means that he had to be just that good of a student in order to not only get into this miserable, overdecorated place, but become its SBA president. Fittingly, even while walking down the hall alongside Kaguya and being hailed by the crowd of proles and outer party members, he has his nose in a book. The narrator also enthusiastically shouts at us about how the chain he has on his front is solid gold, and has been passed down through the Shuchiin student council presidents for centuries.

As they walk down the hall to their office, two outer party members gossip a little too excitedly about how their leaders have such a naturally commanding aura about them, how they look so divinely perfect together. One asks if the other thinks they're dating, but despairs at the impossibility of asking them a question like that, or even ofdaring to approach and trying to talk to them at all.

I'm not even paraphrasing. That's actually what the students are whispering to each other.

Miyuki and Kaguya enter their office (which looks like a fucking megacorp CEO's throne room) and quietly discuss the rumors that the riff-raff have been circulating about them being a thing. They each have an inner monologue while dismissing the rumors and the simpletons who believe them. Miyuki thinks that it would be a brilliant victory if he could destroy Kaguya's refinement and nobility and make him his little whore as a show of dominance over the world for all to see. Miyuki, meanwhile, takes it for granted that Kaguya would jump at the chance to date her, like every single other boy would, and that she miiight be willing to beat this upstart commoner into someone worthy of herself if he gave his body, soul, and hometown to her.

They both turn away from each other and laugh fiendishly as they sip their cups of tea.

Six months pass since the rumors' beginning. Both of our charming young heroes have gone from entertaining perverse fantasies of the other being in love with them and taking sadistic advantage of it, to having both convinced themselves that the other is in love with them. Things come to a head when Chika, their pink-haired living meme of a student council secretary, tells them she has a pair of movie tickets that she's looking to give away.

Miyuki, who is quick to jump on a free anything due to being much less wealthy than most of his classmates, checks to see that he has a free weekend and then starts to absently ask Kaguya if she feels like it. Before he can finish his question, Chika cuts in again to tell them that this movie has a reputation, rapidly reaching urban legend proportions, about being a relationship-starter. Tons of people have gone to it on first dates, and said first dates have - according to these rumors - been disproportionately successful.

Miyuki, who had been starting to ask Kaguya if she wanted to go, is stuck in a bind. To continue the invitation would be to accept defeat and subjugation. To dismiss it because of this new information would look superstitious and pathetic. He tries to pretend he suddenly had the idea of selling the tickets to add to whatever thing they need to fundraise for at the moment, but that just gives Kaguya a chance to remark on how flustered he seems now. So, he tries another save, along the lines of "I was just asking since Chika gave these to both of us, but if you're going to be all weird about this then never mind."

Which is a pretty good save. Kaguya did tip her hand a bit there, with that little barb. And now he's used it to put the onus on her to make the next move or not.

Kaguya is not happy. All this effort for nothing.

I'm going to love it if it turns out that Chika figured this out long ago and is trolling both of them for all they're worth.

Kaguya's next move is to say that she's a girl, she can't help but believe in romantic things like that. But anyway, if he wants her to come with him, she'll think about it. Ball back in his court. He fumes about how she's using her well-practiced mastery of traditional social norms and gender expectations against him, which she has an unfair advantage in because of her background.

While this goes on, Chika just kinda watches them as if she's worried about both of them. Which is understandable, given how stressed out they both suddenly seem. Granted, I'm still holding out hope that she's just taking the both of them for a ride.

The narrator goes on about how these two are big brained supergeniuses fighting a battle on a plane that most mere mortals couldn't comprehend. Lol.

Then Chika complicates things by saying that there's another, less romantically charged, movie that these tickets can be used for, throwing everything into chaos again for both of these galaxybrained masterminds.

Both of them exhaust their bodies' supply of blood sugar in all this high intensity brain sugar, and they both need to take the last frosted bun on the plate on the desk. Whoever grabs it first will surely be able to outthink the other and win this battle.

Naturally, Chika takes it first. Then she reminds them that class is about to start, and nonchalantly meanders out of the office to leave them both twitching over the desk in an unconscious heap of stupid.

A moment later, the narrator angrily insists that no, really, we should be very impressed by the battle of the geniuses we just witnessed, how dare we not be. Again, laying it on a little too thick, but still funny.

The next day, Kaguya finds a flowery love letter in her locker. As she tells Chika about it, Miyuki - sitting across the office filling out some paperwork - smirks to himself about how pathetic some lesser boys are, putting themselves out there like that. Also, it's amazing that anyone else in the school would be stupid enough to think he had a chance with Kaguya when Miyuki is right there and there are already rumors about the two of them.

Naturally, Kaguya loudly tells Chika that she plans to accept this mysterious suitor's invitation, ensuring that Miyuki can hear her.

Cue panic, paranoia, psychotic doomer-fantasies, etc from Miyuki. He needs to sabotage this date without tipping his hand! Kaguya, it seems, didn't actually send this note to herself, but actually did get a random love letter. She's just using it to make Miyuki jealous, with no intention of actually going on a date with whatever rando sent it. Noted.

Miyuki tries to tell her that, as the student council vice-president, it might look bad for her to be fooling around with some nobody, and that for the sake of the dignity of the office she might want to rethink this. Okay, that's a fair argument for the gilded dystopia of a high school that they're in. She brushes his objections off, though, and he makes the very low blow of saying he'll run it by one of the teachers or other adult staff members to see if they think it's a good idea.

From Kaguya and Chika's reactions, it's clear that the teachers at this fucking place actually, really do give two shits about this. Unsurprising. Awful, but unsurprising. This makes Miyuki look bad, but he's got no better choice.

She just tells him that he can go ahead and tell whoever he wants. In the meantime, she's planning to go ahead with it, and will take whatever consequences that come. She mentions expulsion as a possibility that she's willing to risk, which I thiiiiiiiiink is probably a massive exaggeration, but who fucking knows.

Miyuki tries something even more desperate at that. He asks Kaguya if she'd rather go on a date with him rather than the rando who sent her the note. Then, when she looks stunned, he smirks and says something to the effect of "if just being asked that by me right now is enough to make you reconsider, then you probably should rethink how seriously you're taking this and how much risk it's worth." God, what a gaslighting douche. I'd feel bad for her if she wasn't Kaguya.

Also, I think she could preeeeeetty easily call him out now on how obvious he's being at trying to control her out of what could only be jealousy. But doing that would probably preclude any hope of him ever actually confessing and end the war with no one having won for good, so.

Kaguya decides to just stick to her guns and continue on her way out of the room, seeing what Miyuki will stoop to next. His hand physically grabs her shoulder to stop her...oh wait no, that's not him. Well. It looks like there's at least ONE person in this miserable hellhole who's fine with just telling people about her feelings.

Well, if Kaguya starts dating her to make Miyuki jealous, that would be an interesting development.

Anyway, Kaguya ends up not going on the date just to make Chika stop panicking. She doesn't end up dating her instead, though, which...well, I hate to tell you this Chika, but you dodged a bullet there. Hell, even IF you're just fucking with both of them, you dodged a bullet.

Later, Kaguya and Miyuki see a couple of other students openly flirting outside the building. Kaguya, who is low on composure after that last bit of WTF-ery, goes on a tirade after they pass by about how improper that was. How those students are dishonoring the academy with their shameless display, to the point where even Miyuki tells her to calm the fuck down.

Actual screenshot from Kaguya-Sama: Love is War.

She's still whining about this at lunch, when the next flashpoint in the conflict comes in the form of the lunch Miyuki brought from home today. His grandfather is a farmer, and his family just got some fresh ingredients from him, so Miyuki fixed himself a supremely elegant little something complete with perfectly rolled mini-omelets, rice balls, and hot dogs cut into little squid shapes. This has a simultaneous simplicity and beauty that Kaguya's overly fancy lunches never ever had, and she's kind of taken aback by the sight.

Kaguya wants to ask Miyuki for a bite, but no, that would make it seem like she's showing interest. So, she pretends not to be interested until Chika saunters up, openly praises Miyuki's food preparation and presentation skills, and begs him for a taste. Which he happily grants her, and she promptly spazzes over.

Kaguya glares absolute daggers at both of them. Up until today, she says to herself, she considered Chika not only a classmate and colleague, but a friend. Tomorrow, however, Kaguya will not lift a finger to save Chika's life were it in danger.

Chika. Get the fuck out. Intentionally or otherwise, you're playing with high-strung psychopathic fire.

Miyuki sees Kaguya's expression, and thinks she's outraged at him for daring to bring peasant food to this grand institute's student council office. He gets pissed off at this, and decides to show her what's what by enjoying his lunch with Chika, both showing off his culinary skills and hopefully making Kaguya jealous.

...

So, we have psycho elitist princess, and obsessive social climber with a grudge against everything, trying to date.

...

Chika proceeds to eat rice from the same side of the box that he just ate from, making it an "indirect kiss" in Kaguya's estimation, and even sinks so low as to drink from the same cup as him. Something inside of Kaguya breaks.

The next day, Kaguya brings the most ridiculously over-the-top lunch ever, reminding me of what whatsername from "March Comes In Like a Lion" made for sportsboy that one time only with (even) more money behind it. She just knows that Miyuki will have to ask her for a bite, and then she'll be magnanimous and deign to grant him the honor. However, he resists the temptation, and just treats himself and Chika to another homemade box of his own similar to yesterday's. She prods him for it, reminding him how much he likes shellfish.

But, he takes this as just another flex/insult at his family's means and food options, and spite motivates him to resist. After all, he says irritably, he has nothing even close to worthy to offer her in exchange for her obviously superior feast. Chika also passes up Kaguya's showpiece of a meal in favor of another of Miyuki's squid-garnish hot dogs.

When Kaguya pries her head back out of the desk, she just gives Chika a silent litany of insults, calling her a cow, a parasite, a brainless hideous flesh drone, and worse.

Kaguya's expression scares Miyuki to the point of him fleeing the office under some hastily invented excuse, leaving Chika alone with her. As Kaguya collapses to the floor, emotionally crumbling, Chika bends down and offers her her last hot dog.

Slowly, Kaguya calms down, and eventually looks ashamed of herself. She apologizes to Chika, and Chika has no fucking idea what she's apologizing for.

There's a little final thing during the end credits that shows Kaguya at home resisting being talked sense into by one of her maids. And, that's it.


I feel like this show could get exhausting really, really fast, depending on where it goes from here. Depends on whether it gets much more in the way of plot and (especially) character development. As it is, while it's fun in an "Always Sunny in Philadelphia" kind of way to watch this pair of stupid, egocentric little monsters karmically return each other's awfulness on one another, it's going to need a lot more to hold my interest for longer than an episode or two.

One thing that pleasantly surprised me was how much this show was really about social class, with pretty clearly center-left sympathies. The "romantic" leads' obsession with hierarchy that prevents them from being happy with each other is inextricably tied with class and tradition. For aristocratic Kaguya, everything comes down to rulership and kicking down. For resentful social climber Miyuki, everything stems from spite for Kaguya's higher status and shame in his own common background. Both of them are also terrified of losing status in the eyes of their own superiors, the mentioned-but-unseen school staff. The real key to this is Chika, of course. What social class does she come from? Given the sort of school this is she's most likely upper crust, but we don't actually know, and that's important! Chika place in the hierarchy isn't important to her. In fact, she seems to be blind to hierarchical interaction in general, and relates to everyone as an equal no matter how they feel about it. For this, she's not only the most likeable character of the three, but also by far the happiest and most well adjusted. When she fears the authorities of the staff, it's not for her own sake, but for the sake of her friends who actually care about that stuff.

I'm actually reminded of "A Discourse by Three Drunkards On Government," by Nakae Chomin. It's another three-part conversation over food and drink, with two combative firebrands and one laid back mediator who represents a sort of social null-hypothesis. In "Discourse," the three characters are a globalist and a fascist who represent different aspects of 1887 Japan's modernization process, and a humble country farmer who represents traditional Japanese society. In this show, there's an aristocrat who wants to keep her power, a commoner who wants to take that power for himself, and a happy-go-lucky girl who doesn't care about power over others at all. I feel like I've seen this pattern in some other politically charged Japanese media as well. Like, I have a feeling that the Japanese left tends toward trialectics rather than dialectics.

Moreso than "Discourse" with its open ended finale, of course, this show is making it pretty obvious whose side the author is on.

In short, this pilot worked pretty well as a short film, being both funny and thought provoking. Whether or not it holds that quality in the series going forward, I'd have to keep watching to find out.