Akudama Drive S1E1: “Se7en” (continued)

So, the Cutthroat Proxy is about to be publically executed. The holographic banners all over the city turn a glaring red and all flash the same message, that Cutthroat is about to be killed at the city's main police station. The local government really seems to want people to attend these executions huh. As the execution gets advertised, our contestants for the heist mission all get into place. Courier brings his superbike into position and does a melodramatically badass cigarette-butt-toss. Brawler drops from the sky and crushes a water tower by landing on it as he leers at the target. Hacker opens the window of his bedroom and sends a fleet of drones out toward it. Doctor just...sits on the top of a public airship and grins like a witch riding a broomstick or some shit, idk. Everyone seems to be inbound from different directions, and it's not clear if any of them know about each other's involvement (or about each other's existence at all).

Then, we cut back to Takoyaki at the precinct. I suspect this will turn out to be the same main precinct that Cutthroat is about to be rescued from. She tries to argue her case against either a robot, or a police officer via extravagant-looking comm system, but it doesn't do her much good.

The fact that she had the 500 yen coin on her is apparently damning evidence against her; she COULD have paid, but maliciously chose not to. Having money but claiming not to have money makes you guilty of criminal fraud under the law. Case closed. She really should have thrown that damned coin away if she wasn't going to use it.

...

Okay, this is some GOOD parody cyberpunk.

...

A loud noise distracts Takoyaki from her desperate pleas. A moment later, she's distracted even more by the half-destroyed policebot that gets hurled through the window, shattering it and setting the room to panic. Ah, this is Brawler making his very unsubtle rescue attempt.

Takoyaki looks outside, and sees another army of those police robots closing in on the lone assailant. Said assailant continues hurling them around, seeming to purposefully hurl more wrecks through the windows of the precinct and increasing the panic to a downright stampede.

The sight of the attacker prompts Takoyaki to frightfully exclaim that an "Akudama" is attacking. Hmm, what is an "Akudama" exactly? A superhuman criminal of any kind? A specific order or organization of superhuman criminals? The rest of the Team Fortress 2 gang we've been introduced to are probably all Akudama, since that's the title of the show, but its exact meaning isn't yet clear.

As more debris starts turning the room into a deathtrap, Takoyaki picks herself up and begins fleeing with all the others. Unfortunately though, her critical weakness presents itself.

The nonchalant cat striding through the precinct ignoring the scrap bombardment clearly needs rescue!

While Takoyaki runs over to save yet another cat, Hacker watches Brawler's assault via drone. A clumsy, reckless attack, he says to himself, but he's not going to complain if one of his rivals for this job is willing to be a distraction. He then summons a pair of adorable puppy-faced drones and steps onto them. Apparently they're strong enough to fly him around like a pair of hoverboots. Have I mentioned that they have puppy faces?

They have puppy faces.

As Hacker makes his slow aerial approach, Courier's superbike smashes through the last few robots that Brawler hasn't dealt with yet. The two of them then throw some insults and barbs at each other as they chase one another into the precinct, trying to rescue Cutthroat before the other can get to him.

...they're going to end up killing him by fighting over him, aren't they? Either a literal torn-in-half cartoon goreshow, or something more grounded, but either way. This seems like the most likely outcome, edging out Cutthroat surviving and becoming one of the "se7en" main cast members.

Elsewhere in the precinct, some police higher ups frantically discuss the situation.

"S-rank" akudama. That could mean that these are known individuals, or it could just be a flash assessment based on the abilities they've displayed.

The police chief pictured above quickly infers why the akudama are attacking the station, and gives the order to ditch the formalities and execute the prisoner right now. Dang, that's a higher priority than defending the station? I guess that's in character for this police agency as far as we've seen. Before he can finish giving the order though, the lights go red and the chief is informed that they've lost control of the security systems. Looks like Hacker has taken over their network.

Cut to a lavish, marble-tile floor and golden statue-laden hall that we are informed is the execution chamber. These people REALLY love their executions. Courier idles his bike up the hall, looking for a way to the pending-execution cells, when Brawler catches up to him. They trade more dumb insults, start having a dumb fight, and then both get knocked out by a poison gas grenade thrown by Doctor. Courier is down and out, but Brawler recovers in just seconds, taking Doctor by surprise.

okay but tiddy tho

That gas she used is apparently specced to knock out an African elephant, so Brawler evidently has a CON score in the same neighborhood as his STR. Wonder if this is down to transhumanism, or if it'll just stay unexplained cartoon silliness. Speaking of cartoon silliness, Brawler then punches Doctor through the ceiling, where her body happens to slam into Hacker who had been hovering over the floor above. Both of them fall crashing down into the execution room again, just as Courier shakes off the drugs and starts picking himself back up.

They all prepare to start killing each other (Hacker's drones are apparently armed, unless he's bluffing), but are cut off by the sound of someone else entering the room.

Takoyaki clutching her latest cat, soothing it, whispering in its ear that it needs to be careful with these dangerous akudamas attacking the building. The existence of a cat in her proximity seems to have cheered her up disproportionately, going by the smile she's wearing until she looks up and sees who she just blundered into.

She does briefly recognize Courier as the guy from the food stand she got in trouble at, which prompts Doctor to teasingly ask him if this is his girlfriend. Hmm. I get the impression that Doctor and Courier already know each other, even if the others might not. When Courier explains that no, this is just some rando civilian, the others exclaim that they have no reason to keep her alive then, and they all start making to murder her in cold blood. Doctor also whispers huskily about how much she's looking forward to dissecting the corpse; it's been such a long time since she's gotten to dissect a young person.

Takoyaki stammers, clutching her cat in terror, her mind racing for a way to save herself. Her mind goes back to the possibly-robotic officer who she was trying to plead with earlier, and seizes onto a specific accusation that was hurled at her.

Hacker scrolls through one of his holoscreens and declares that there's no such name in the Akudama Directory. So akudama are a collection of specific, named individuals, then? They're not organized though. And, based on what happens next, it's also not just a descriptive category imposed by the government. Takoyaki tells Hacker that she's managed to keep herself unregistered, and that stuns all the others into impressed, wide-eyed silence.

So, what exactly is an "akudama," then? Still not exactly clear.

When they're done being impressed by her claim (that they all have apparently bought hook, line, and sinker), they acknowledge that she's another rival for Cutthroat's rescue bounty. Just, now they only want to kill her as much as they want to kill each other. Brawler is eager to see what she can fight like. Hacker is curious about her secrecy, and wonders if she might be as good with computers as him. Speak of the devil, Hacker is suddenly informed by his drones that he's been locked out of the precinct's systems! Before he can attribute that to the girl crouching in front of him though, an elevator door opens to reveal a not!Tachikoma - a Notchikoma, if you will - that immediately opens up on them with machine guns and missiles.

The police aren't taking collateral damage into account when responding to this bunch, if they're flinging explosive warheads around in their on precinct. Honestly though, this is probably wise.

A confusing battle happens. Or, really, it's more of a chase than a battle. There's evidently entire worlds of difference between this thing and the common police-bots, because not even Brawler with his greater-than-elephant fortitude is able to go toe to toe with it. The floor gives way under massed explosions and impacts, and the entire group falls down into the prison sublevels below. The akudama end up fleeing in different directions to hopefully shake their robotic pursuer. Takoyaki somehow got tangled up in some strappy things that got caught on the Notchikoma's hull, and is now being dragged along on the robot's side as it scampers through the prison crushing cell blocks as it goes.

I love that the cat still isn't struggling or panicking. Cats give even less of a fuck in this world than they do in ours. No wonder they need rescuing all the time.

In the wake of the explosions an inmate escapes from one of the ruined cells. He happens to overhear the akudamas arguing over how even this mission's massive reward might not be so massive after all if the cops have a damned Notchikoma guarding their station. Upon hearing the mention of money, he starts chasing after them, eager to get a piece of that without even knowing what the goal is.

This Hoodlum guy seems to be on the very bottom end of the akudama hierarchy. Just four years' worth of accrued sentencing thus far, and a much less dignified splash page than the others got.

Cut to elsewhere in the police complex, where...for some reason, the city government is STILL doing the public execution ceremony, despite the pitched battle that they know is going on. And the very visible violence on the streets outside as the akudamas approached. Well, ph well, they can set themselves up to fail if they want to.

Also, they're positioning Cutthroat under a Guillotine.

Not a laser Guillotine or a robot Guillotine or anything like that. An actual wood-and-iron thing that could have actually been built in the 18th century. When we get a closer look at it, it also appears to be rusty, despite everything else in the execution stadium (and the hall adjacent to it) being spotless, ostentatious, and palatial.

Definitely an interesting aesthetic choice on the story's part.

Anyway, before the chief can finish the countdown to the execution, the notchikoma and akudamas fall through the ceiling in a giant cloud of smoke and debris. Obviously. Was there any chance of that not happening?

Fighting erupts again. 'Splosions. Falling pieces of wall and ceiling. Takoyaki at least manages to wriggle free of the straps binding her to the robot and get free, not that she has anything to do but hide until the missiles stop flying and the psychopaths stop looking for easy targets. Also, she's still holding onto the cat, and the cat is still completely unperturbed lol.

It turns out that Hoodlum is also in way, way over his head here, and ends up just hiding next to Takoyaki and begging her to do something to save them while everyone else fights. He's annoying enough that even Takoyaki's comically infinite kindness and patience start to visibly run out by the end of this sequence.

Meanwhile, fairly badass - if cartoony to the nth degree - battle happens. It seems like the akudama could probably take the big robot collectively, but every instance of teamwork is of course undermined by someone trying to use the opportunity to get to Cutthroat before the others, and the others having to stop them. In terms of action spectacle, special mention goes to Courier using his grappling hooks to fling his bike around the robot, swing off of it, etc while it tries using them to yank him into its missiles.

To the show's credit though, this fight actually feels more SENSIBLE than a lot of spectacle-first-logic-never media often has it. Like, there's no glaring instances of characters not using demonstrated abilities in situations that call for them, or switching tactics to show off new powers when there's no need, or letting each other get up to continue fighting when they could just as easily follow through with a killing blow. It's still silly as hell of course, but it's like the difference between watching fighting game footage of skilled players actually trying to win, rather than watching an E3 trailer designed to show off the characters' abilities. Also, the notchikoma brings down the entire ceiling at one point, seemingly killing the chief before he can get his men to execute Cutthroat already while they still can.

...hmmm. I'm starting to think the notchikoma is being controlled by another outside party, rather than being with the police. It's acting more like another akudama than it is like a police asset in this fight scene.

The robot eventually knocks Courier off of his superbike and advances toward him, preparing a killing blow. Not sure what happened to the other akudama; we saw at least a couple of them getting thrown/blasted out of the room though, so they might still be nursing wounds or slowly limping their ways back. Cowering at the far side of the arena next to Hoodlum, Takoyaki sees Courier about to die, and the most ridiculous thing in this entire pilot so far happens.

I lol'd.

To get a clear path to Courier, she gets up and starts waving her arms and shrieking to get the notchikoma's attention. Telling it that there's another akudama right over here, and that this one is still on his feet and dangerous. Wow, Hoodlum really, really, really pissed her off lmao. Sure enough, the synth abandons its currently disabled-looking target and starts wheeling around in her and Hoodlum's direction.

...you know, that thing actually looks much less like a tachikoma than I initially thought, now that we're getting a clear view of it holding mostly still.

Almost more reminiscent of the Matrix or something.

For a moment, we go into the robot's POV as it locks its visual sensors onto Takoyaki and the Hoodlum she just sold out as part of doing a good deed. It identifies her as a "minor offender" and him as a "D-rank akudama." And then promptly opens up with its guns on both of them.

Nice going, "Swindler."

She and Hoodlum scream and run away, just barely staying ahead of the bullets. Fortunately for them, this distracts the robot long enough for Hacker to land some solid hits on it (wait, why isn't he just rescuing Cutthroat then...?). And that, in turn, stuns it for a minute, which gives Courier a chance to get back to his bike, brace it in place, and line up a clear shot with this giant railgun weapon that extends from it that he hasn't had the space or the stationary target to use yet. Now that he has the space and the squidbot isn't moving, he can hit it dead on, and the hypersonic round cores it. The robot stops moving.

Courier drives over to Takoyaki and informs her that he is not going to thank her while looking haughtily away from her. Taking that as a thank you, she eagerly hands him his 500 yen again, hoping that he'll be willing to accept it this time. I think she might have a crush or something.

Before he can tell her to just forget the damned coin already again, the other akudama make it back into the room. It appears that the Guillotine was destroyed in the battle, and there's no sign of Cutthroat; that explains why Hacker helped Courier instead of taking advantage.

As they try to decide what they should be doing now, the police chief emerges from the rubble and curses them all. I guess he didn't actually get crushed under that following TV array. Before he can finish his fiery denunciating speech, someone comes up behind him and decapitates him with a single, lightning-fast sword stroke.

Cutthroat has taken off his Ergo Proxy-ish execution mask and seemingly found himself a sword. I didn't know he'd be a bishie boy, but I kinda suspected it.

And, of course he gets his splash art.

...you know, if he was about to be executed, what does the "sentence: 967 years" thing even mean? Is there a certain number of consecutive life sentences beyond which they decide to just kill you already?

While the others try to decide which of them, if any, could claim to earn the credit for this, Courier walks up to Cutthroat and hands him the briefcase that he picked up in the alley.

Well, that's that apparent contradiction explained! Courier WASN'T actually working the same job as all the others. While they were competing to rescue Cutthroat, he was just trying to bring him a package. While he was in prison about to be executed. Without Courier knowing that there'd be anyone else to break him out or create a distraction. Lol.

Cutthroat opens the briefcase, and...okay I had to rewatch this a few times to understand what happened. The briefcase contains a bunch of neckband collars. Cutthroat pulls them all out, and then speedblitzes everyone SO quickly that he's able to get one around each and every surviving neck in the room - including his own - before any of the other akudama can react. The rescuers all have one. Courier has one. Hoodlum and Takoyaki each have one. Even the one surviving cop in the room has one.

The cop's head promptly explodes in a fountain of red. These are bomb collars, it appears. And someone - presumably the someone who gave them all their missions - has them on remote control. Cutthroat doesn't seem perturbed by this revelation, either because he agreed to it ahead of time when the employer contacted him in prison or because he's confident he's fast enough to get his off before the boss can use it if it comes to that. He's very thrilled by the sight of the exploding cop head, though.

Suddenly, a loud meow gets everyone's attention. The cat has climbed up on Takoyaki's head, and just made its first utterance. Once it has all of their attentions it makes its second, identifying itself as their new master.

That medallion on its collar is probably the control device for the bomb collars it had Cutthroat put on them.

End episode.


The complexity of the action and density of the gags made for a very long liveblog. In terms of analysis though, I feel like there isn't really much to say. It's Saints Row: the anime, only even more over-the-top with the slapstick violence and comedic sociopathy. It's extremely fun to watch, but I don't know if there's much to talk about that isn't covered in the surface level Let's Watch.

I mean, it might get more thematic and/or character-driven in the following episodes. I will be watching one more of them before the end of this month, and there could be more to say by then. Until then, I'll just say that this is an extremely fun and well-produced dumb action comedy.